Building up the Man that leads well and dominates as he must.
Last Month was the month we celebrate Women across the globe but as you can imagine all other months, year round impliedly celebrate the Man/boy child across the globe. Even the Bible says that the man shall till the land so he is the laborer and labors all year long. Every day is his day. I was recently wondering if there is a day expressly dedicated to the boy child? Apart from Father’s Day of course. Then recently while minding other people’s businesses on WhatsApp status, I saw a message celebrating Husband’s Day. It was too late but I went ahead and shared it with the husband but also noted it in my diary for future reference.
About the boy child day, I need to check and confirm because I am certain there is one for the girl child.
This month having the awareness that for so long the girl child has been and is still being empowered, remember those extra points that were given to girls to join university as part of affirmative action? I think they worked but now, it is becoming clearer that for this girl to flourish the rest of the world she relates with needs to be equally empowered, comfortable in their skin and aligned to joint growth; this includes the boys she meets as she grows and even the man that ends up as her life partner.
It is not a secret that the boy child and ultimately the male counterparts are behaving in ways that are not befitting of what God designed to be. That is to lead, labor and dominate in the land God has planted them. You will often find them throwing around lines like “you advocated for equality, this is what equality looks like.”
In marriages, most of them have resigned to reckless living forgetting their role as the head of their households. Some have chosen to disregard the vows they made during the marriage ceremony and inadvertently they continue to hurt the people they are meant to lead and love. I say chosen because overtime, I have learned that life is all about choices.
This problem is deeper though, from biblical history, we learn that when the King wanted to bring down the whole nation, his target was to kill every boy child (go read the story of Moses).
It is not in doubt that when the man is either not in the right frame of mind or is not sure how he should raise his family and stand up for both himself and his family; there is usually a great strain on the family. You will see turmoil because the leader of the home is in turmoil. Have we considered that may be the boy child’s neglect is meant to bring us as a nation down? That until we all wake up to smell the coffee and do something about it, things may get worse.
Some of the current struggles are attributable to culture, men get away with anything from a tender age as young boys and are not accountable to anyone. On the other hand, there are certain things that are taboo for women from a tender age as young girls. These cultural beliefs are carried over into adulthood and the real party starts when the culturally egoistic man meets the affirmative action driven now empowered girl.
To put this in perspective, I will use the example of marriage and I choose marriage because this is where family starts and ultimately it is where transformation is meant to start to.
As the wedding day draws closer, friends and family organize special bridal showers and during these largely fancy events; women are advised not only on how to handle themselves but the home and the man they are getting married to. How to pray for the man and they are even given books to read like the power of a praying wife, fascinating womanhood etc. As icing on the cake, they are given gifts to bring all the dreams and ideas into life once they get into the marriage.
These gifts will range from Lingerie, scented candles, kitchen ware to name it. Anything that will transform the house into the home. Not forgetting the pre-marital counselling that happens. By the time the woman says, “I do”, they have been prepped to stay in the marriage for the long haul and not only stay but do the work as guided by the very many Ssengas.
The men on the other hand have a bachelor or stag party to usher them into marriage. These parties are largely comprised of little chit chats and fun most likely at a bar or club so we are talking may be alcohol, strippers and other girls including old flames and the man is encouraged to enjoy all he can before he is allegedly locked up in marriage.
Nobody tells the man what and how they should treat their wives, how they should make sure that their sex life doesn’t get boring, how to remain faithful amidst the strains of marriage and changes that the woman he is married to will experience like child birth. Men are not accountable to anyone. In a few cases, you will find families that organize a special kasiki at home and these are usually very modest Christian families. I know of one such family and I have also heard of one man who has taken it upon himself to pray for his wife.
Through interaction, some men are encouraged to stray as much as they want before settling down. Promiscuity appears fun. I once heard a guy comment that “omanyi bino ebintu tubikola naye teli musajja ayagala mukwata mubwenzi”; loosely translated as “We do these things but no man wants to be caught.” Most of these men with this background develop skills on how to become serial players by covering their tracks. Sometimes, they actually have a belief that at a certain point in their lives, they will stop. Usually in marriage.
What they forget is that these little habits stick long even after the man gets married because he has entered a monogamous relationship that he has no idea how to manage.
This trend of events unfortunately is killing the boy child. If the training some if not all men are receiving is that promiscuity is macho and fine; that it is okay to indulge in extreme promiscuity provided you are not caught; you don’t expect to change this in a day at the altar or through a short pre-marital class where the man is suddenly informed that he is now going to lead a monogamous life, with just one woman and love her as Christ loved the church.
These vows in church before the celebrants and congregation don’t resolve the deep rooted issues and past habits that are unfortunately carried into the marriage. What does this do to marriage? It renders marriage into a joke.
The community and culture generally has done a bad job already and we need to catalyze some changes to rebuild our nation. The boy child is under attack and the community needs to do its work. We need a united front on how to transform society, build up a man that leads well and dominates the land that he has been given.
To transform the nation, we need to start with the family unit and ultimately we need to start with the boy child as the future head of the family or man of the house God is going to plant them in.
We need to debunk the culture that is unknowingly breaking the boy child and the whole nation at large.
If you read my last blog on healing marriages, I referenced a friend who jokingly mentioned that we should stop trying to solve social problems that are historical but then I wondered if we all remain silent about issues that are destroying our nation, what will happen next?
In a marriage, the man (previously boy child) is the head of the home, for marriages and families to be healed; this boy child needs to be redeemed. I have no idea how but I know it needs to happen.
It’s my humble prayer to you who is reading this that you will take action, if you have a son start to guide him right today and he will not turn away from your instructions when he is older; if you are a grown up man, find a mentor and if you are a mentor, purpose to be a good example to your mentees. We all have a role to play in transforming our land and the choice to act starts now.
This blog was written with contribution and collaboration from Ms. EBali, a change maker and a lover of God.
Wishing you a great new month of May, until the next blog; stay firm.
Hope & Faith,
F.I.R.M