The Rebirth Stage-Renaissance (25-29)

April 6, 2020 Fortunate Ingabire 75 Comments

The Rebirth Stage-Renaissance (25-29)

When people walk away from you, let them walk. “Your destiny is not tied to people who have left”. Accept the loss as part of God’s will for your life and don’t try to talk them into staying or coming back to you. They have accomplished God’s will in your life and played their part in your story. They are still wonderful people but their story in your life is complete. (Bits and bits of this are from a sermon but I don’t remember which sermon it was)

I start the stage with such honest and brutal statements because this stage involved more losses especially of previously close friends but unlike the first time, I tried not to dwell so much on these losses and focus on the good things that were falling in place for all of us. I didn’t hold anything against these friends of mine but I also wasn’t the usual Fortunate that always reached out to try to mend the friendships.

I left these for God to deal with and I kept praying for them.

Worse still, as I write this piece that I should have shared weeks or even months ago immediately after I shared the first stage I am grieving the mother of all losses. My daughter in whom I delighted and believed brought me healing from my first loss, changed her address permanently back to her creator. It is painful, one minute it hurts so much and the next minute I am reminded of how big her heart and love for everyone around her not just me was and I smile.

I am convinced that this part of the story wouldn’t have been complete if it had come earlier. Its time is now when my life seems hopeless yet I must tell my story during this stage in the best authentic way possible. The spirit of grief tells me not to write any more, but I derive a divine strength to carry on. This is how, I know how to express myself. I am not a talker, or I think.

So, as previously told in the discovery stage towards the end I got into the job market but it wasn’t easy and I resigned my first job after 3 months. Friend, if you are reading this; know that it is okay to resign a job if you feel led to. It is okay.

A few days into the new year, 2015; one of my former bosses called me and intimated that he had a sister who needed a legal officer and in his words, “my sister needs a legal officer, I think you will manage working with her. For her, she doesn’t shout”. I thanked him for the lead and went ahead to submit my application at Bageine & Company Limited, went through the interview and in a few days I had a new job! God has never left my side.

I don’t know about that job hunting hustle, I know other hustles but not this one. ( I am not showing off, I am just saying that look around you; you don’t carry all the problems in this world, there is something someone else is struggling with that you are not). That there is something to be grateful for.

You all know how it is with entry jobs and as a fresh graduate, you are always looking out for the next best thing. My search didn’t stop and a month into my new job I heard about a couple of openings, one at Airtel Uganda Limited and another at a Human Rights Organisation (Muslim Centre for Justice and Law). Both Organisations gave me offers and I had to make the difficult decision of choosing between the two; as you may all know by now I chose Airtel Uganda Limited and this has been my home away from home for the last 5 years. (I am a loyal employee winks)

Ps: I didn’t think I would stay here this long, in my head I knew soon or later, God would give me a visa abroad for further studies, after all their contract was for only 6 (six) months. It was such a big gamble for me, leaving a permanent role for a 6 months contract. Guys, it is also okay to take some risks. It works sometimes.

So many considerations were made in making this decision, I have never been about that litigation life although I loved human rights. At the core of practicing at the Muslim Centre for Justice and Law was litigating so I let this one pass.

In preparation for my move to Airtel Uganda, I made two recommendations, one for someone to replace me at the new job (Bageine & Company Limited) and another for someone to take over the offer I had declined at the Human Rights Organisation because sharing is caring. Always remember this, there is always someone that could do with what you won’t be having.

At Airtel Uganda, I met awesome people and made great friendships, worked/ working with the DREAM TEAM and as you can imagine, as I write this I am glad I chose to work here because after the COVID-19 shut down it has become obvious that I am in an Essential Services industry. This my friend reading this, is an achievement at a time where people are beginning to feel irrelevant. It doesn’t matter that you may be one of the non-essential staff, you must find every single connection to something that makes you relevant. :-p

Artificial Intelligence is already making us feel insufficient and now this lock down where they tell you to just stay at home yet the bills are piling up couldn’t make it any worse. May God open up our minds to what we can do better after the lock down.

Well, enough of the irrelevant episodes.

Fast forward, I found love again! Remember, MM from the Turbulent Discovery stage? We had a baby girl together that we named I.L.I.A – a Hebrew name that means “God is Lord”. Her maternal and paternal relatives also gave her other names. Her full name as it appears on her baptism card is “ILIA KEDRON UWIRAGIYE MBABAZI MUGARURA”.

Two extra names were eliminated to wit “KABANYANA RWALINDA” so that people don’t think we have a lot of kajanja. It was enough that the names were long.  The story of this little princess is long and as such it will be for another day.

Six months after our daughter’s birth, we got married at All Saints Cathedral, Nakasero in a simple wedding full of people. We like to call it the “Low cost, High Impact” Wedding because of MM.  As compared to the weddings organised today, we were actually under cost but given the new directive on scientific weddings, our wedding was the embagga yomwaka 2017. I think.

Then, I tried my luck at several businesses because my child had to have a better life than I did. I wanted to spoil her while also serving my community so I dared to try my gifted hands on several things during this season. Particularly, I started an online store “Mi Pequeno”, joined a friend to offer free online therapy at “ReciprocityUg” and joined another friend to start a legal consultancy.

I also joined a Team that offers marital support for dating and married couples, joined the G4G Mentorship programme among many other things. The Future was beginning to look very bright once again. There was a re-birth of my dreams that I had put on hold and a birth of new dreams.

Also, as a young girl I dreamt of travelling and not just travelling from Kampala to my village in Kisoro but anywhere out of Uganda in an aeroplane. So, during this season of my life, God made this happen not only once but thrice to different places. I remember once jokingly saying that, “God, if I am to die don’t let me die before I fly abroad.” My dream was always to fly to places like the UK for further studies and come back with an accent like all these other people I see on our streets. After COVID-19, I don’t know if I still want to go BUT I hope this will come true one day if it is his will that it should happen.

Towards the end of this decade, I sought God more. I remember one specific evening on 8th October, 2019 when I found myself at a new church for an overnight and I stayed awake through the session until midnight. It was on this night that for the first time, I heard the song “Goodness of God” by Bethel Music and from that day on, I played it at every opportunity I got.

Whoever knows me, knows this is unlike me. I am a Christian baptized in the Catholic Church. My whole family is catholic and my husband is Anglican. I have visited Pentecostal churches specifically Watoto Church and fellow-shipped at Phaneroo but the impact that single overnight had on me was like no other. It is profound.

During this time, I was also seeking God for a number of things but I was reminded that it was not about what I thought I wanted but what was God’s will and purpose for my life.

The following week after the overnight, following the message I had received, I did an Esther Fast. First time still and I spent three (3) days learning the word of God. During this time, the Catholic community at my work place also started lunch time prayer meetings at the office to pray the Rosary. It was clear that everything around me was telling me to pray. What was not clear was what I should be praying for or about. I kept going for the prayer meetings but eventually I found an excuse not to remain consistent. I was either busy or running up and down doing something that couldn’t let me go up for prayers.

In November, I started writing bits and bits of these stages so that I could share my first blog post on my birthday on 9th January, 2020.

On 8th January, 2020 which is the day that closes this decade for me, I tried to have a date with myself at Café Javas. Strange you may think. I also felt strange and while I thought I would be having quality time with myself I was reminded of the little things we usually disregard that actually matter.

On this particular day, one of the CJ’s waitresses had a birthday and because I appeared to be a lonely reveler or maybe because I seemed more approachable, one of the ladies asked me to trick their friend so that they could be able to surprise her at my table. I accepted and boom I also celebrated my birthday just a day before in “kavuyo”.

This incident reminded me of the so many little celebrations we have with our workmates or even friends that appear insignificant yet they are very profound. I watched the young lady shed tears of JOY and I was humbled. The next day, in the same style the DREAM TEAM took me out for birthday lunch and cut cake for me like the young lady at Café Javas. I didn’t quite have the appetite but my Heart was FULL.

When we speak about lessons from this stage, I have pointed out a few above but I am having sleepless nights trying to figure out the rest. My thinking jacket is on and off. The game plan seems to have changed with everything that is happening not only in my LIFE but in the WORLD as a whole. What comes to mind right now, is that in all situations GOD is LORD and we give him thanks. This is why I choose to call this the re-birth Stage.

So many good things happened to me during this re-birth season amidst the usual life strains which I have chosen to be at peace with and instead rejoice, count my blessings for the little joys; you who is reading this should do the same.

The mere fact that you are ALIVE is a good reminder that he cares, he knows what is going on and that at his own time he will make it good and make you smile again. Be of good courage! He is a good God.

Never lose the wonder. Be like a baby Seek to know, to receive, our daughter at one year started escorting us to the gate every morning in anticipation of a little surprise, a gift or just a drive up to the gate—Childlike faith. God is amazing, the older you grow, the more you should love Him.

This marks the end of my 20’s, I tried to summarize and highlight a few key incidents. Anything that was not mentioned will come in subsequent blogs as independent posts.

Most importantly, 6th April, 2020 is my baby girl’s birthday and unfortunately she is not here with me anymore. She is in Heaven with the Angels. A big part of me is broken but I am comforted in the knowledge that the Good Lord who knows everything knew this would be as it is today.

I want to believe that this was part of his divine will for my life and that he is preparing me for greater things.

This is not how I planned to show up in 2020 when I said 2020 was for showing up but let’s carry on with the year.

I now know that I must be alert to God’s call and set my mind to what I want the next decade of my life to look like. At the start of this year, I sang “SHOWING UP NO MATTER WHAT”. I am in a place where I must decide to continue showing up while asking God how he needs me to show up OR choose the spirit of grief that keeps chasing after me even after I think I have overcome it.

It appears to me that I have been showing up fwaaa and with the demise of my baby girl, I have been humbled. I will be more deliberate in everything I do going forward. I hope you too reading this can do the same.

Amidst all this, please stay FIRM, safe and feel free to leave a comment or share with a friend & yes, Keep showing up 🙂

Ps: Remember to wash your hands/sanitize, exercise social distancing and stay home alive.

 

Thanks for reading! I know it was long but…welcome to my world!

 

Fortunate Ingabire Rwalinda Mugarura
(F.I.R.M-2020)

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75 People reacted on this

  3. For the past days, every time i read something from you, I can’t help but ask God to give me the same strength; to let God be God, to let Him lead in my life always. I have learnt from you to ‘count it all joy’ and not question God. Thank you❣️
    Thank you for teaching me to celebrate every little tiny detail of my life, for teaching me to be more intentional with God, to tell my story and be thankful and mostly to be strong, even in the middle of turbulence. May God continue to shine on you and Martin. Blessings❤️

  7. Thank you for pouring out your heart to us. I enjoyed the read and the lessons herein.
    I am watching this story, I am certain it will end in a Victory never told before. Praying that indeed the good continues to guide you as you Show Up.

    I love you 😍

    1. Oh Fortunate. A woman with so much strength. I am awed by your courage to move on amidst the turmoil that sorrounds you. I love your faith in God who you say is ALL LOVING and ALL KNOWING. I pray that God will hold you in the palm of His hands and help you navigate this new RE-BIRTH. Blessings and Hugs.

    1. This is a beautiful piece. You write so well. May the Lord give you more strength to carry on. You are a great encouragement amidst the loss. The Lord will restore you. Blessings. Prayers for you

  10. Fortunate, thank u for inspiring me. I have so much grief burdening my heart, but I believe it is time to let go and fix my eyes on Christ.
    May God continue comforting u and yours.
    U ARE AN INSPIRATION.
    Thank u for sharing

  12. Nali Bestman 😄😄😄. This is cathartic, Fortsy. I’ll keep following. It always seems hardest in transitions & usually we are at our most vulnerable. This is a transition & God will see you through. You two are in my prayers, always.

      1. Thank you for putting this here FIRM. Indeed in all things we seek to be deliberate. Thank you for giving us direction of thought.
        And for the little angel, it all seems hard but we choose to know and believe that those who die in Christ are only sleeping and when we come to that day, they will be raised up in Glory.
        I love you ❤

  13. Thanks for sharing your life journey with the world. We all grieve in different ways and if all this brings you healing then we shall be beside you. We share the same age, different birthdays though and being a mother to a little boy who just turned three and knowing your little girl didn’t live to celebrate her third birthday breaks my heart.
    It is well Fortunate. Our God doesn’t slumber and we believe in this re-birth stage He will do amazing things in your lives. ILIA’s little legacy lives on. I didn’t know her personally but I have spent the last 14 or 15days thinking about your little girl. When my friend Diana posted her on her timeline, it broke my heart to pieces. And to think you and Diana had baby showers close together is a different story.
    May she continue to sleep well with all the little angels in heaven. Earth wasn’t a beautiful place for their souls. You will find light and hope in the darkness. God cares for you.

  14. Thank you for sharing your life story Fortunate. It is all well🙏🏻. May this re-birth period be another positive journey I your life. May ILIA’s little legacy live on forever. And may she continue flying high with all the angels in heaven.
    Your little girl was too beautiful for this earth, heaven needed an angel 😇. Sleep well princessa.

  16. This is beautiful and life changing. Worth reading and getting lessons out of it. God’s ways are not always are our ways but God always has the best plans for us.

  17. I am all for long blogs. They have substance. Your strength and tenacity is admirable. You inspire, I am a recipient of your compassion. Always checking in on us, even ebya marriage hehehe I run to and listen to you. I love how you seek God and find meaning in everything. The year of showing up made me finally attend Rotary in LA but…noshwa it isn’t for. me, I think. Keep them coming, audience wetuli. God is Lord. FIRM.

  19. Hey Fortunate,
    I can only imagine what you have been through these past couple of weeks. I am sorry you have had to go through that. I admire your faith and continue strength in the Lord. I pray that he may heal you through this devastating time.

  20. Fortsy this is profound. The sermon at the beginning was a TD Jakes sermon. One of my favourites. So I got glued yo your writing the moment I dazed on the words you wrote.

    I still remember Illia and that lunch we had and your kindness is a blessing.

    Your rebirth is going to impact millions for God’s glory. He loves to use wounded healers and you are a healer. Your story is doing so much healing beyond your imagination.

    I keep praying that when you get overwhelmed you always remember that the hands that made the world are holding you. And if you remember the story of footprints in the sand, this is the moment he is carrying you.

    Much love.

  21. Wow wow wow!!!!!! Nice read. Thanks Fortsy for sharing your story. Great lessons to pick up right there. Looking forward to the next piece. And ultimately the whole book. Wink wink!!!

  23. M
    Ohh so beautifully written. Thanks for pouring out your heart. I’m inspired. Continue seeking God it’s the way to God. May the little princess’s soul rest with the Angels and may God continue to comfort you.
    Much love

  24. M
    Ohh so beautifully written. Thanks for pouring out your heart. I’m inspired. Continue seeking God it’s the way to God. May the little princess’s soul rest with the Angels and may God continue to comfort you.
    Much love

  25. Fortunate, I see you living the G4G principles. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m sure it will inspire and strengthen many. To be able to write in this time of pain is you saying that this pain will not be in vain. Keep inspiring, keep soaring. Onwards and upwards.

  28. Hello Fortunate, I enjoyed the story and at the moment quite share a lot of your feelings of grief having also lost my father on 21st March 2020. I have been feeling that I have overcome grief of loosing someone who is the first closesest dear person to pass on in our family, but its like there is a hollow place in my heart. The truth as per you story is to treasure every moment with the people we meet and to thank God tat we are still alive. Procrasting things should be avoided in our lives with whatever little or much we have let us share it out. Your dreams am sure will still be established at His best time by the Lord. May you and your partner be comforted in the Lord.

  31. Oh dear Fortunate,
    Thank you for sharing your story. From your losses to the various opportunities, the story is “alive”. May the good LORD bless you always.
    RIP to the little Angel

    Much love,

    Lisa

  32. Thanks for sharing Doris..i pray that God continues to confort you.He never slumbers and everything he does is for a purpose
    Just continue to trust in Him.At his own timing he will make everything beautiful.Illia is now among the angels smiling at the strides u a making to stay strong for her.She loved you so much as much as you loved her unconditionally.Keep smiling at the memories u shared.she is at peace and is in a better place where God wants her to be. Her sweet innocent soul is resting in Eternal Peace.keep strong God will hold your hand and walk through it all with you.

  33. Wow! Fortunate! U are. Indeed an amazing woman, your strength through this all can only be from the one you love and serve, our Lord Jesus Christ!!! May you be so blessed in this your new decade and may you indeed know that He has a great plan for you, to give you hope and a blessed future! And to use you mightily to draw those in the pit to the firm foundation of His life! Be blessed always!

  34. Oh dear! Am both heartbroken and inspired at the same time. No parent especially young as you are deserves to lose a child. May the little Angel’s soul rest in peace. God bless u dear.

  35. Namara Edna
    Dear Fortunate,so sad about your baby girl.Many times things happen and we question God why they had to happen but I thank God for your muscle not to ask why it happened but your courage to counsel others through your tough lessons.Goodness you are rare material.
    We all know it always appears that the worst has come but the best will soon show up dear.Thanks for the courage and we all know God knows best how to craft our success stories.Yours has began,you are a Victor.
    Bless you and your spouse in this seemingly blank time ..

  36. Thank you so much for this piece, first time reader and kennat wait for the next. I have told you this before know it is well. I love and admire your faith, i love it and am thrilled all happens for a reason better yet believe everything works together for GOOD to them that love God(your household is one). Your strength is amazing, you are not a talker but well writting is definitely it, keep on ‘coz you are speaking to many, many people are healing thru you, many go thru your same story and its best they know your love for God to take them thru. So many lessons from this re birth stage. You speak to me, I love you and know am praying for you and Martin.

  37. Fortsy my dear, this is a very beautiful & inspirational read. Amidst the hard times you have still celebrated God something I really admire you for. I don’t know how you do it but now I know it is God. I continue to pray for you & Martin Psalms 23:4. So many lessons learnt here..thank you mukazi & God bless.

  39. As always, you’re an inspiration. This pointed out so much, things we choose to ignore and should not. You are one of the strongest women I know and this here shows it to every one else who might not know you. Keep being strong mamita…cry, laugh, scream, smile..follow your heart because as you can see, it never leads you astray. Looking forward to more posts here. This here was a beautiful heart felt read Cherie. Stay F.I.R.M as your name states and may God keep giving you and MM strength and courage to face each new day. Ilia is looking down on you as she sits with the angels and I know she is one proud girl of her mummy!!!!!

  40. Your strength is amazing. Your trust, faith and hope in the Lord is overly evident in your resilience. Thank you Fortsy for being an inspiration, courageous and a woman of virtue. May the good Lord continue using you as a pillar of strength to multitudes of his people. Blessings Always Fortsy.

  43. Even when we think you are the one who needs encouraging, you find time and strength to encourage the rest of the world! You are one of the strongest people I know and this here is your gift. Thank you.

  45. Your strength is unbelievable but what is so big for Our God our God is merciful Our God is so kind I love you and I’m grateful to have met your wonderful little girl ❤️

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