The Interesting Connection between loss, worry and your body
Like I have written before, I am no expert at loss or grief for that matter but given my experiences; I have purposed to understand how my body, mind and soul work following the loss of my child and other life experiences generally.
The interest became even stronger when I interacted with a Doctor friend who has dedicated her life to understanding the effects of trauma following loss on one’s health. I have and continue to become more aware of my body, heart, mind and how they operate at certain times.
The unfortunate bit though is that it appears this obsession was resulting into a mental health challenge the medical experts refer to as hypochondria. I was becoming a hypochondriac unknowingly. So, a hypochondriac is someone who abnormally obsesses over their health.
It shouldn’t be surprising though.
It’s no secret that March is edgy for me since it is the month, I lost my first-born daughter and only child at the time in 2020. I have also gone through several other extreme painful emotions since that day I have had to process the pain, become self-aware and inadvertently due to over thinking I can’t help but worry about my health too.
Imagine, if you woke up one morning and lost your healthy baby whose chest had been reported clear and within a few minutes of her passing they tell you she died of pneumonia. I mean you didn’t even get an opportunity to take care of her so that you have that single closure that I did my best, but the medicine didn’t work. Meanwhile, she got all vaccinations and some more including pneumococcal. I bet you would be concerned about your health and those of around you.
Given the way the world works, trust me you will have more reason to go to the hospital when you feel anything unfamiliar within your system or notice something strange in your loved ones. All for good reason.
Sometimes you will convince yourself as a Christian that all is well but because we are mortal men living a human experience, you will want to find out what the issue is. Go get checked perhaps instead of being still, praying and believing in God that you are well.
On 24th March 2022 I woke up at 5:00AM with a tummy ache and I rushed to the bathroom, but I had been feeling queasy since the week started. While this was happening though, it hadn’t yet registered that this was the week my baby rested until I reached office and looked at my calendar.
This trend of events continued for a while, to April which is the month she was born and of course life continued happening; I had work to deal with, my joy in the morning and the father (my partner), maid issues, school of leadership and not long after that I felt super overwhelmed. Life can be overwhelming often times. What this means is that with the exhaustion you can hardly enjoy anything even important holidays like Easter.
Subsequently my body began to fill a certain way and when I visited the Doctor I was told to read up on “Hypochondriac”.
Please note that this is a mental health issue.
After I read up on this, it was clear what God was telling me; I am spending so much time thinking about things that are only within his control and failing to focus on what he wants me to focus on.
Later in the week my husband asked me what kind of month I was expecting May to be or what I wanted for May. I told him I wanted to be joyful, love and live a deliberately surrendered life.
My husband on the other hand, picked his affirmation word for the month which was “Achiever”.
In that moment I knew that I had to let my ardent readers know that no matter what they are going through; they can only worry about so much. In fact, they should not worry about anything because God is in control even when he seems like he is not. Putting so much pressure on your mind with everything going on in the world will only make your body sick. You are not Jesus. Neither am I. Be gentle on yourself.
In fact, if you can become one of those soft life ambassadors. You were not born to suffer. Don’t tell me about Adam and Eve and the curse in the Garden of Eden because we are also told that Jesus paid the price for our redemption. Our job here is to be do good works that glorify God. I don’t think suffering and worrying is part of good works.
I wish you a mostly Merry and liberated month of MAY. Be Merry. Be grateful for all Achievements. Love Yourself.
Hope & Faith,
F.I.R.M