Hello Reading friend, how is the last quarter of the year going?
At the end of September, someone said that it was the best time to reflect on where we have come from, where we are and where we are going. Most importantly what value we are bringing to the table we seek to be welcomed on.
November in my world is that month where my “Long live partner” and I celebrate our wedding anniversary. See, on the day he proposed I believe he was a bit anxious so instead of saying “will you be my long-life partner” he asked if I would be his long live partner; of course, I laughed it off and instead hid my face from the many phones that were being used to capture the moment.
See, over the years we have been privileged to attend good marital counselling and been part of marriage ministry until February, 2020. I believe these were some of my best marriage days and there are even better days ahead if God wills it.
During that time and prior to marriage we were taught several things including the fact that we must compromise and or meet each other halfway. I tried to work through the script for the first three years but the long live partner every so often would say, “don’t compromise”. I have learnt over the years that what he meant was that “Don’t settle for anything less than what you want”.
As we start this sixth year of marriage, I thought I would share three major things I have learned in the last five years (add the sixth before I was “churched”). Ps: This is but just my marriage story, but the lessons cut across. It is not a manual on what works and what doesn’t. Your story is yours to write.
- Like the long live partner meant to say when he said don’t compromise, please don’t settle- set your boundaries and have the critical conversations on marriage, finance, sex, responsibilities, and expectations before you get into the marriage. Don’t wait until you are too deep in, and things are falling apart to try introducing boundaries. You will face a lot more resistance than you would have faced before marriage. At a certain point thanks to life generally, I settled.
- Don’t try too hard to be who you are not. If you love being indoors, don’t be under so much pressure to go and stay outdoors all day and all night. It is not worth it. You may leave more exhausted than refreshed. If you must go, when you feel tired and worn out after four hours or even less, please retire to where you are most comfortable -your bed-your space. If your spouse cares, they will appreciate your efforts to meet them halfway and meet you halfway in your indoors. This applies to the outdoor lovers – don’t be forced into the indoors. Do it as and when you are ready and out of choice. Everything is a choice/decision we make a s a people.
- They say like poles repel while unlike poles attract. Chances are high that you and your spouse are different in so many ways. Interestingly these differences are what made you two yoke together and they will be the same things that you fight about in future. Even worse still, if you experience “the worse” in the marriage and are not grounded as a couple, it is these same differences that may become the thorn in your “marriage” flesh. They are the same ones that will be manipulated by the world until your marriage bleeds. Stay woke! If you sleep along the way, be ready to partner with God to rebuild and heal the wounds.
I am tempted to add more lessons but those will do for this season, I will be back next year hopefully.
And to my dear husband aka the priest of our home aka my long live partner; may today and always be a reminder that I am deeply committed to you and convicted that indeed you are my long live partner-we shall continue to grow, heal and transform together. I honor you. I honor our seasons and I am excited for the next seasons, God being our ever-present help. We shall not compromise/settle on what our values and our mission as individuals, as a couple and as a family is. We are going to walk into our individual purposes together; if we die, we die. What is the worst that can happen in this next season? I think we are ready for the next season of this ride. Cheers to the next year!
To you who is reading, I hope this is a reminder for you that marriage is work and team effort. It is a mix of ripped jeans and some more but we aim to arrive at the promised land of beauty for ashes and enjoyment of the spouse of our youth. “If you know, you know”
On that note if you know a single friend looking to get their rib; a 
good friend of mine and soul sister has built something special for you. Follow this link and who knows you may be connected to your long live partner and build your family on a mission; https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfhOKvgNGFH55iBcpMzUhLVjvXu-teKom6jhun__ezY4rXm_A/viewform.
Happy connecting and here is to building great Godly families on a mission.
Your virtual friend in Hope & Faith,
F.I.R.M